JenLeoLIVE!

Speech for my father's service

I've been flat out since the service last Tuesday. I got hit with the flu the day after and just started feeling normal yesterday. I wanted to share this speech for some of my friends who didn't get to see it. The service at Rosecrans was a good one. It was a beautiful day and the gazeebo that overlooks the bay is stunning. We were pleased with the entire day with one exception, Rosecrans was extremely tight with their time. The service was only 30 minutes with the clock ticking from the moment we left the office. We didn't realize there would be a flag folding ceremony, and it ended up taking quite a long time. The poor newbies did a lovely job, but they must've not liked how the flag was turning out because they tucked and tucked it to no end. It took it all out of me not to rip it out of their hands as I sat in front of them looking at Michelle's watch. I knew we were running out of time, but I was on best behavior and didn't.

My cousin Michelle and Jason gave heartfelt accounts of their time with my dad and what it meant to them. There was a bugler who played taps and a bag piper who played tear-jerking rendition of Amazing Grace. All beneath a blue sky and overlooking the San Diego Bay. It was gorgeous. With just a few minutes left I made some crack about how I never give short speeches and invited our friends to come back to the reception at my Aunt Val and Uncle Jon's where I shared these words....

Chin up - family in town, funeral today

Heartfelt thanks to all of you who have commented on the last post, written me emails or called. The first two weeks were rough as you can imagine. I was a bit zombie-like, but a trip to San Francisco helped pull be back towards my normal self. This week I functioned a bit better and started doing a little bit more work. Each day got better and better and I had a fun day trying to get photos of the Monte Carlo fire for the L.A. Times Travel Blog.

John getting back from the Aussie Millions was perfect timing. It is really great to be back together again. We left  Vegas for San Diego on Saturday. Don't think for a second that we could take a few hours away from poker - Susie Isaacs was sitting about three seats in front of us on our Southwest flight. The new inductee to the Women's Poker Hall of Fame was in full gear - red hat, zebra coat, poker decorations, pins and jewelry all over. John figured she was off to Harrah's Rincon, and sure enough there's a WSOP Circuit event in town. Meanwhile we played a little chinese and John kicked my butt - he won ten hands in a row.

It is really great being with the family right now. Saturday night we had a Chinese dinner together at one of our regular local restaurants. John got introduced to Peking Duck. Sunday we went to my dad's favorite place for prime rib - Flemings. Yesterday was a bit more somber, and filled with to do lists. We can talk more about the funeral afterwards - I just wanted to assure those of you who are thinking about us that we're doing ok, as well as can be expected. I feel much stronger than I was a few weeks ago and I'm ready for today. Just about. I still have to write the second half of my speech and considering Jason is coming over in an hour and a half - I better go do that.

Thanks for everything.

Jen

CURRENT: San Diego
NEXT: New York, Feb 2-6

My sweet Bah Bah is gone

I've been offline a lot lately and some of you have been inquiring to find out why. My dad passed away last week and I came straight home from Australia. It was sudden and completely unexpected and we are all still reeling from the shock. Our only mercy is that his death came peacefully in his sleep.

I have been thinking about this post for a while and have decided to just share a few recent photos. Every day is different for me and although it has been almost a week, it still feels new and there are many people still to call -  A task more difficult than you can imagine. I honestly don't want to talk to anyone but rest assured I am leaning on a few close friends and there is more love and support rolling in than I know what to do with.

The reason I can't talk that much about this right now is that I have to save my juice for the speech I'll give at the memorial. I've discovered repeatedly that when I talk about something that I also need to write about, the writing suffers for it. So, that's why I'll share only a little right now. This photo of my dad driving John and I to the wedding reception is one of my favorites. He looks great in his tux, he's comfortable at the wheel, and he thought it a big treat to drive Mark's new Lexus.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Big hi and hugs from San Diego. John and I are staying at the Hotel La Jolla. We're on the 8th floor with a gorgeous view of La Jolla and the ocean. This picture just shows the left half of our view, there's actually a lot more ocean to the right. Yesterday the temperature was 74F. Ironically, neither one of us are looking out the window right now. We're at our computers plugging away.  I better tell John to turn around.

My dad will walk me down the aisle

Most people wouldn't think there would be any doubt about that, but you never know with my dad. He's pretty shy, and never one to voluntarily come to a party with a large group of people, let alone six. I've been slightly worried that we'd have a conversation about him even attending the wedding. I should know better, but for some strange reason I expect the worst. A bad habit.

Tonight, while we were at the family Easter dinner, there was much talk and excitement about the wedding plans. My brother Jason and I were chatting about what he'd wear. He was enthusiastic about putting on a tux and participating in our Rat Pack theme. Jason started describing exactly what he wanted to wear. At that point I might've mentioned that my dad would too, and that he'd even be wearing a boutonniere. You have to understand, our family hasn't had a wedding in 35 years. Reminders aren't unwarranted. Then, he said it.

"I guess I'll be walking you down the aisle," my dad stated.
"You better," I said. "Otherwise we might have to have a fight."

Now, I didn't need to be that rough around the edges. I can't remember the last time we've ever had a fight. But that's what came out of my mouth.

"I will, but I'm not giving any speeches," he added.

"Actually...." I started. Now we were getting to the point of my real fear.

John and I are not having a very traditional wedding. There are many typical wedding elements that we are leaving out. But because of my dad's social issues I've worried about the speech giving part of my wedding day for as long as I've been thinking about weddings - oh, maybe, 20 years.  Who would officially welcome John into the family if my dad didn't? This is the job of the father of the bride and I didn't want anyone else in my family to do it before him. The stress started to tighten my back and run through my body as I sat in the kitchen, looking over the lazy boy to my dad on the couch.

"Actually..." he said cutting me off. "I've already started thinking about what I'm going to say. It won't be long, but...."

That's all I needed to hear. He melted my heart.

Bah Bah made it all better. As fathers do.

Then, the rest of the clan started making "finally" jokes and comedic lines for his speech. As Leos do.

CURRENT: San Diego, CA
NEXT: Los Angeles, CA

It's nice to be home

Just finished Easter breakfast with my Aunt and Uncle here in San Diego. "Skinny" pancakes, berries, little sausage patties, and coffee. Last night we went to dinner at Phil's BBQ down by the sports arena with my dad and brother.  Highly recommended. In four hours from now the larger family contingent will be coming over for the full ham shabang. Yep, that's us Leo's - eat, eat, eat. I'm surprised we haven't had any movie plans mentioned. But I'm watching my portions, and even got on my Aunt Val's step machine last night.

Yes, I'm staying with my Aunt and Uncle this time because they are the WiFi B&B. They're at church now so I'm going to kick the blogging into gear.

Two things that I got very excited about this week from work:

Branch Walks
New "Go Rooms" at the Flamingo

CURRENT: San Diego
TOMORROW: Los Angeles

Brother-sister road trip

I miss the blog! But life is one big cram session right now. Jason picked me up on Monday to drive up to Oregon and meet the Livingston side of our family. I think I already mentioned that my Grandma passed and we were all meeting to go up and help organize the property.

Jason and I have driven long distance together once. From San Francisco to San Diego. It must've been about ten years ago and lets just say it didn't go so well. It seemed like we had nothing in common and were on opposing sides of conversations for at least five hours of the trip. We hardly got a long while we were growing up, and during my early twenties it only seemed to get worse. Then Sand in My Bra came out. I blogged about my cross-country book tour and Jason followed along. He got to know me through the blog, and the past five years have been a completely different relationship to the one we knew when we were younger. The night before we left, I was still wondered if we could hack a 12+ hour trip in the car together but John assured me we got a long now and it wouldn't be a repeat of the 90s.

What Jason didn't know, was that I snore. Apparently badly. After the first night, Jason said,  "I woke up in the middle of the night and said Is this really happening?" I started laughing and he  kept going, "I had pillows over my ears and everything!"

Bittersweet Reunion

The best thing happened this week. I got back in touch with my Idaho family after seven years of silence.  My youngest cousin Celeste emailed me out of the blue to catch up. The next day, her sister Angela did, too. Their voices sounded so familiar even after the long hiatus. I've been wanting this for a while but have always let my initial efforts slip through the cracks for no good reason.

Sometimes I can be a big ignoramus. Not always but sometimes. Chris used to tell me repeatedly  that I didn't need to send a gift with every correspondence. But that never quite sunk in. When family has a baby, you send a gift. When they have two kids, you send a gift for the new one, the older child than you never got around to sending gifts to before, and of course everyone else in the family you've neglected. And then there's the books you never sent. Not one, but five. If someone gets married, you obviously can't send a gift without a catch up letter, or the books. And you can't send that letter without sending it to everyone. Who gets books? One set for the whole family, or a set for each couple. Now it's time to call the publisher and request two boxes of books. This is not a snowball effect, it's an avalance. The one that went on inside my head month after month. If I'd have stopped for one second I would've realized I was being ridiculous. But the conversation never left my head. And so I started asking, if not praying for a way to make it happen. Especially with the engagement.

My Idaho family, not all of them are in Idaho anymore, are the most loving people you've ever met. So  gracious, loving, and kind that they could easily be from Wisconsin. We agreed to put the guilt out with the trash and start again. No blaming anyone or anything. My Aunt Gayle called me the other night and her voice was so angelic. She simply said that all I needed to do was pick up the phone. Their love, extinguishing the flames of guilt in one fell swoop.

Everyone is married, most with little children, some with two, some with more on the way. Some even are poker players. I can't wait to talk more with the rest of the cousins. There are six total. But this also comes at a sad time. It turns out that our grandma is on her way out of this life. A surprise for sure. My uncle Steve and Aunt Gayle are taking care of her now in Oregon and Jason and I will go up to help them with the property next month. I don't usually talk about the most personal family matters here on the blog, but I thought I'd mention this briefly.

I just want to welcome the Livingston side of the family here to the blog. I'm so thankful that we're in touch again. There is still much more to catch up on than what a few one hour phone conversations can do. But we've made a fine start. And Grandma is surrounded in peace and love, I believe that.

CURRENT: PASADENA, CA
NEXT: LAS VEGAS (March 9-10)