My sweet Bah Bah is gone

I've been offline a lot lately and some of you have been inquiring to find out why. My dad passed away last week and I came straight home from Australia. It was sudden and completely unexpected and we are all still reeling from the shock. Our only mercy is that his death came peacefully in his sleep.

I have been thinking about this post for a while and have decided to just share a few recent photos. Every day is different for me and although it has been almost a week, it still feels new and there are many people still to call -  A task more difficult than you can imagine. I honestly don't want to talk to anyone but rest assured I am leaning on a few close friends and there is more love and support rolling in than I know what to do with.

The reason I can't talk that much about this right now is that I have to save my juice for the speech I'll give at the memorial. I've discovered repeatedly that when I talk about something that I also need to write about, the writing suffers for it. So, that's why I'll share only a little right now. This photo of my dad driving John and I to the wedding reception is one of my favorites. He looks great in his tux, he's comfortable at the wheel, and he thought it a big treat to drive Mark's new Lexus.

Here's a picture of just the three of us. Our family took a lot of pictures but he always requested one of just him, Jason and I. My first thought coming home was that I needed to be strong for Jason. He's tall and tough but he's also extremely sensitive. I wanted to be there for him, to make sure he was okay - but the reality has been the other way around. I've been near speechless, especially at the mortuary when we made arrangements for the service.

Jason has become a man overnight. At 35-years-old I understand that he's already been a man for several years, but I'm seeing him differently now. He's absolutely amazing to me and even stronger than I ever knew him to be. That's not to say Jason's not as broken hearted as I am, but I've never experienced a moment growing up where I actually saw a relative or a friend transform so profoundly before my very eyes.

I pulled this picture of Bah Bah and Dan from the yet-to-be-finished thank you project. It is one of my favorites. You can see from the expression on my dad's face that he and Dan are sharing a proud moment. There is a silent acknowledgment going on. It's like my dad is telling (and congratulating) Dan - we did it, she finally found a decent guy to take care of her - isn't this great.

I don't think I have any pictures of my dad and John together by themselves, but we all feel that he did approve of John. They liked each other and got along quite well. My dad was at ease with John and they talked about sports often. John—as the way John is with most people—knew how to speak my dad's language. They talked a lot when we were together.

Our family is doing ok. We're spending a lot of time together whether in person or on the phone and everyone will be here for the service. We all have a different way of processing. Some are celebrating, some are sharing memories, still others are walled up in disbelief. However we're processing our new life without our dad, our uncle, our brother, our son - we're doing it together. I just feel fortunate to have the family that I do - so incredibly full of love for one another.

 

Here he is with our good friend and emcee, Mark Levine. The speech Bah gave at the reception was truly a shining moment for him. His first speech ever, told with the utmost sincerity and grace. It brought me to tears and wowed every one listening—especially those of us who knew how incredibly difficult it was for him to stand up in front of a room full of people.

I love my dad more than words can express.

Thank you for your calls, emails and offers to help. I do appreciate your support. Please don't be offended if I don't reach out. We'll be in touch or see each other soon.

The service will be in San Diego:

Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
1 p.m.
Reception T.B.A.

Comments

[Otis]

I'm so sorry, Jen. Thank you for sharing this during what has to be the toughest of times. My family and I are thinking about you and yours.

[Kat]

Oh Jen, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know it's not an easy time, and my thoughts are with you.

[leigh]

I'm so sorry and sad for you and your family. If there is anything I can do - I'll be back in Vegas on the 21st, always online and available by phone. xo

[Joyce]

I am so sorry that you have such a heavy sadness. Take good care of your self. I know all your friends want to lighten your grief. Everyone is thinking of you. xxoo

[Pauly]

My warmest thougths go out to you and your family.

[Maudie]

My heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your pictures and your memories. I'll be keeping you close in my thoughts.

[Jen Leo]

Thanks friends - We really appreciate your positive thoughts and prayers.

[Dan]

Leo-
Phenomenal photos and beautiful words about your dad. You said you were saving your juice but this post in itself is an incredible tribute to him.

[Jenn C.]

Jen, I remember well the toast your Dad gave to you at your wedding reception. It was one of the sweetest, most touching speeches I've heard a father give to her daughter. His words and his manner made it so clear what a good heart he had and how much he loved you.

[mike & pat]

Jen, I remember well the words Bah Bah spoke at your wedding. Those words and his facial expressions in the photos you posted say it all. They describe accurately his love and pride for you.
The photos and words in your posting reflect the same love you had and have for him, as well as the wonderful memories. Cherish those memories and imprint them in your mind. Losing Bah Bah is painful, but hopefully the sweet memories will help lift up your spirit. Your posting is a most beautiful tribute to the love between you two.

[AlCantHang]

I'm so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Mary]

To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die. - Thomas Campbell

Sorry I never met your dad, but he is in you and part of you, so in a way, I did meet him.

Thanks for sharing these photos. Yes, I heard he gave a great talk at your wedding - quite an accomplishment for someone who disliked public speaking.

Your thoughts about him, your family, your John are beautiful, Jen.

You are on my mind and in my heart.

[Jess]

Jen, I remember your Dad's speech and the love, pride, and joy in his eyes at your wedding. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart hurts for you. I have you in my thoughts. Jess

[Joaquin Ochoa]

I was moved to tears in after reading this post. You are strong just to be able to get this write-up out. Stay strong, Jen.

[Abha]

I'm deeply sorry for your loss, Jen. My thoughts are with you.

[Abha]

I'm deeply sorry for your loss, Jen. My thoughts are with you.